Red Meat Reviews » Comedy

the 31 Days of Halloween- Days 8-10 – LAUGH AT DEATH

The Caped Tirader — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 22:26:45 +0000

For days 8-10 I’ve decided to highlight 3 Horror Comedies that will bring life to the dead. These are the movies that make you laugh while characters are torn to shreds

1. ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN (1948)

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein – From two of the greatest minds in entertainment, I present to you this classic. A star studded cast anchored by Lon Chaney (The Wolfman) and Dracula himself, Bela Lugosi. This hilarious movie highlights the ‘Odd Couple’ relationship of Bud and Lou magnificently as Dracula attempts to kill and steal the brain of a dim-witted union worker for the sake of trying to make the Frankenstein monster more pliable. A real classic!!

2. Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Shaun Of The Dead- Probably the most well known horror comedy out there, Shaun is in my mind one of the funniest movies ever made AND it has a few decent gotcha moments to boot. If you like smart dry humor, zombies (ooops I said the ‘Zed’ word), and Grand Master Flash then this movie is for you.

3. Clue (1985)

Clue- The original who-done-it. Clue is another one of my all time favorite movies. Super quotable and hilarious. Plus, for you scaredy cats out there, this one is pretty much spook free, though it has it share of murders If you haven’t seen it then you’re in for a treat! This movie will KILL your boredom, in the Living room, with shear genius.

Each of these fine flicks gets 5 tasty slabs of cow for a total of 15 steaks!

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Pimps Dont Cry But You Will In Laughter Other Guys Review

Haaris Ahmed — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 17:17:26 +0000

I couldn’t figure out a headline so this is what you get, its more direct than clever. Anyway welcome to a world of randomness with the Other Guys. This movie was funny and insanely random. This movie makes no sense, has very little continuity and lacks a real plot. Despite these essential movie flaws that would make any flick tank the Other Guys skyrockets to the new heights in random comedy.

The cameo with the Rock and Samuel L Jackson is awesome. They don’t last long in the movie, but when they are on screen its pure gold. Eva Mendes not only is super fine but she is one funny ass chick and she can sing. Her and Will Farrell have a great moment where she busts out in a song titled “Pimps Dont Cry” In fact I played “Pimps Dont Cry” on New Noize last week, but that version has Cee Low on it.(For those not in the know I am a radio DJ at 92.9 KJEE Santa Barbara’s Modern Rock)

Will Farrell played a very dry subdued play it safe cop teetering on insanity where as Mary Mark played his normal “I am so serious I am funny” type character like he always does and paired with Will Farrell make this movie move to corners of comedy that are rarely seen. So yeah I liked this movie.

I could go on, but buy this ticket and take this ride. Its random and fun.

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Piranha 3D the New Benchmark of 3D Goodness?

Haaris Ahmed — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 20:10:14 +0000

Fuck Yeah.

Lets get some bullshit out of the way. This is another remake of a classic B horror movie because Hollywood is starved for original ideas, but unlike most remakes this is GREAT! Yeah I said it.

If you are a critical fruitcake that must find artistry and meaning in every piece of film then this movie is not for you. If you like watching movies with over the top nudity, violence and cheesy 1 liners than you have found the golden egg of movies in Piranha 3-D.

I went into this film expecting it to be absolutely terrible, I am talking ZERO expectations. So why would I go to put myself through this torture? 3D BOOBS!!!!!!!! In particular, Kelly Brook’s 3D naked body was my main motivation, and I was not disappointed. Not only was she super naked throughout this film, so was ever other porn chick trying to break it into Hollywood, so much nudity in 3D. There is a scene with Kelly Brook and Riley Steele (porn star) are swimming underwater with only flippers on in 3D, it put Avatar to shame.

Oh the movie, it was awesome. It had so many cameo’s including Richard Dryfuss getting eaten in the 1st scene, Eli Roth promoting a wet tee shirt contest and Christopher Lloyd posing as a eccentric scientist. Top that with veteran B movie gold actors Elizabeth Shue and Jerry O’Connell and you have a receipt for movie magic.

There is a basic plot where it spring break and all these college coeds are partying on a lake that had some serious seismic activates causing a fissure in the lake which opened up an underwater cavern where prehistoric piranha are unleashed from their captivity. Did I mention Ving Rhames is in this as well?

This movie was more of a slasher than a horror flick. So much blood, so many floating body parts, and the dreaded penis violence. If you like gore than you have bought the right ticket.

The best part, the movie was only 89 minutes long, so I didnt get the 3D headache. So what shall I rate this gem? Seeing it has blood, 3D boobs, prehistoric attacks and Jerry O’Connell 4 1/2 Meats. Had to take off 1/2 a meat cause it was a remake.

You might be asking, why 4 1/2 meats? please check out our rating system according to all the factors presented this movie qualifies the coveted 5 Meat rating. Yes Piranha has scored higher than Inception.

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Do Not Rent Date Night Movie Review

Haaris Ahmed — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 23:15:28 +0000

So I have decided not to watch Tina Fey movies from now on. This movie was horrible. Don’t get me wrong there were some funny parts but as a whole this was a snooze fest. I rented this garbage Saturday night, me and my lady are chilling on the couch on after a day of running around like crazy people. We were supposed to see Scott Pilgrim vs the World, but we ended up just calling it a night and decided to rent a flick on the PSN. Wrong movie to rent, I am not a cheap bastard by any means but I want my $3.99 back. I don’t get it, Tina Fey is funny on SNL, in fact she is one of the only funny people left on that tragic cast they call sketch comedy.

The defining moment that this movie was pure piece of ultimate crap came when my lady could not take it anymore and just blurted out, “This movie is not very good at all” She has manners and tact, I however do not. I would have rather watched a marathon of “Monsters Inside of Me”, a show on the discovery channel that I avoid like the plague simply because of the subject matter. I thought that Baby Mama was bad but Tina Fey has out done herself in this waste of film. Oh and Steve Carell, stop doing bad movies like this, your better than that. Oh and Common is in it so you know its bad. Common please stop acting, you are a great lyricist, but your acting skills are terrible.

This movie get 1/2 a meat cause Tina Fey does look hot in here stripper outfit.

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Big Fan

Joe A. Melendez — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 03:41:03 +0000

Patton Oswalt is a loser, hardcore Giants fan who gets beat up by his favorite player. This turns his life upside down, not that there was much to turn over and sets off a series of events that fly out of control towards the end. This movie has finally convinced me that the Academy Awards, Golden Globes and all those other movie awards are simply a celebrity circle jerk that only boast about films that are supposed to be good. But they don’t do their research, they don’t watch the films, they don’t give a fuck.

Why do I say this?

Because Big Fan was fucking great. I thought since Patton Oswalt is in it, that this movie was going to be a silly comedy; boy was I wrong. This was a very serious role with some humor added. Oswalt was great and the story was very entertaining.

It was a good thing that I was the RMR reviewer for this film because a deeply rooted point of the movie has to deal with the New York Giants Vs. Philadelphia Eagles fans rivalry and we have one of each on our staff. Shogun00 bleeds Giants’ blue and Whiteface screams Eagles. Luckily, I don’t give a fuck about football, but I was born about a mile from Giants’ Stadium so…

Nevertheless, like I said before, this movie is great. And if Mickey Rourke and The Wrestler could be handed so many awards and critical acclaims then Big Fan deserves them too.

I’m going to give this movie 5 bloody steaks… I wasn’t going to go so high despite loving the movie, but then I remembered my favorite line from the film, “Maybe he’s here to see the Wu-Tang”

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Black Dynamite is Alright

Joe A. Melendez — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 21:05:32 +0000

Meh… That’s pretty much what I have to say about Black Dynamite. I wasn’t expecting more or less than it actually delivered, which is a good thing. You have boobies, kung-fu and dick jokes for an hour and thirty minutes.

It’s a blaxploitation spoof a-la Dolemite. I mean really, what do you expect to see? It’s funny, it’s ridiculous, it’s blatantly and deliberately badly made and it’s entertaining.

Black Dynamite gets 3.5 meaty stakes for containing good looking women and surprisingly decent kung-fu action.

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Wild Zero – Japanese Punk Rock Hero

Joe A. Melendez — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 23:52:50 +0000

In the year 2000, the Japanese unleashed a movie that would separate itself from all other Japanese movies that make you say WTF? Why? Because Wild Zero doesn’t use the regular elements of Japanese movies which are 75% people staring at each other, 20% crazy shit that makes you cringe and 5% of ridiculous plot twists.

I’m gonna cut out all the gristle and bone and go straight to meat on this one. What does this movie have? Zombies, UFO’s, Japanese Punk Rock band Guitar Wolf playing themselves, exploding heads, tranny love, zombie love, and lots of Rock N’ Roll, or how Guitar Wolf frontman Guitar Wolf (that’s his name) says it, “Lock And Load!”

If you like silly movies, and all the aforementioned things, rent this DVD. I give it 4 Bloody Steaks for being Japantastic.

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Redbone Halloween Movie Selection – Cemetery Man

Joe A. Melendez — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:09:47 +0000

The Italians make great horror movies and I was tossed up between my Halloween Movie Pick being Cemetery Man or Suspiria by the master Dario Argento, but decided to go with the former. Cemetery Man (Dellamorte Dellamore) is a story of undying love. Francesco Dellamorte (Rupert Everett) is the lonely caretaker of a damned cemetery where the buried come to life. With the help of his halfwit helper Gnaghi (François Hadji-Lazaro), he assures that those that rise and put back at rest.

The movie has the feel that horror films like Evil Dead 2 or Dead Alive give off by using off the wall morbid humor. But this movie adds something else into the mix with Dellamorte’s love interest “She” played by a ridiculously smoking hot Anna Falchi. I mean seriously guys, she is RED MEAT MATERIAL all the way. But besides that. The movie is just fun to watch through to the very end and the end itself is simply top-notch and not expected.

Keep in mind, I am picking one of my favorite horror movies for this post. So my meaty rating is going to reflect that. Cemetery Man is one of the greatest horror movies of all time, in my opinion and for that reason it gets the highest possible rating. 5 bloody steaks.

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Here Fido, Here Boy, What is it? ARRRGGGHH

Joe A. Melendez — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:53:11 +0000

Hello boys and girls. I’ve been slacking on my reviews lately because I’ve just gotten so excited for my favorite holiday at the end of this month… That’s right boys and girls, Halloween! I know that 95% of my reviews are already horror and sci-fi related, but this month especially, I will be reviewing movies to get you into the Halloween mood. And tonight, being Saturday, what you should go and do is go out and rent yourself a copy of Fido.

Fido is a wholesome story about the relationship between a misunderstood little boy and his pet……. ZOMBIE. Set in a 1950′s cookie cutter, Norman Rockwell American town of Willard(despite being a Canadian film), the Robinson’s are playing keeping up with the Joneses by getting there very own pet Zombie. Little Timmy, being the oddball that he is has no friends, but now with Fido by his side, he finally has a companion. Oh, how sweet!

But how? Why? You might ask. You see a few years past, some meteors struck the earth that forced the dead to come to life forcing a Zombie war where we, the far more intelligent and sexually appealing living humans (after losing millions of our own in the battle, which actually helped increase the living dead army) finally realized that zombies can only be killed by BOOM HEAD SHOT! (This of course is an urban myth, we all know how you really kill zombies… Well, at least I do.) Using a collar created by a mad scientist for Zomcon, the humans realize that they can curb the zombie’s thirst for living human flesh. Which is very convenient because now they can have them as slaves and servants. Pretty much the way that we should be treating our very own elderly whom I like to call “the living dead”.

Oh so that Timmy Robinson (K’Sun Ray) and his pet Fido (played by the frickin’ AWESOME Billy Connolly) are having such a great time, until Fido gets his collar turned off by some annoying old hag who deservingly enough is then eaten by Fido. And then all the family fun begins. Daddy Robinson (Dylan Baker) hates zombies. Mommy Robinson (Carrie-Ann Moss, yes that’s Trinity from the Matrix) is beginning to like zombies, especially Billy Connolly’s hot undead sexiness. And the Robinson’s new neighbor, who happens to be head of Zomcon’s Zombie security or some shit like that, is wary.

Fido rules. Fido rocks. Fido is good clean family zombie fun.I give it 4.5 meaty steaks.

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Whip it Not So Good Movie Review

Haaris Ahmed — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 06:42:45 +0000

Did you get the Devo reference? Over your head? you suck. You know what else sucks this movie. The worst part is,it was my pick? WTF, how did this happen. Let me explain before I get into the guts.

I have a girlfriend which means that I can’t always dominate what we watch, so I let her choose flicks every once and a while. She remixed the situation by giving me a choice between Whip It and The Invention of Lying. My fellow meaty associate Mr Redbone reviewed The Invention of Lying, unfortunately I made my decision before he posted his his review. I just wanted to watch a bunch hot of chicks beat each other up on roller skates. I choose wrong.

So that chick Juno is in the movie. This time she is not pregnant, although I would love to see Juno get gut checked into a rail by a big Bertha roller derby type broad, that’s fucking rock n roll. Drew Barrymore really fucked up on directing this piece of shit. I mean this was a bad movie, all I wanted was the movie to end. It took something hardcore and fun and made it mad pussy and cliche. The movie did have one saving grace, Juliette Lewis, she is one hot and bad ass bitch. She was the only believable character in this cookie cutter girl power I’m so uncool I am cool crap. I know what your saying, “It couldn’t have been that bad”, and if I saw it on TBS maybe my perspective would be different, but I was in a movie theater, please don’t make the same mistake I did.

And just to be clear, all the chicks in this movie were super fine, but no nudity and really cheesy acting. Eve needs to step up her thespian game.

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