Red Meat Reviews » Sci-Fi

Wait How Many Dreams Am I In? – Inception Movie Review

Haaris Ahmed — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 23:18:19 +0000

To bandwagon or not to band wagon? Its not bandwagoning if the movie is actually good right? Right. So by now you must have heard about how this movie is utter genius and can not be missed. All of those things are true. This is a GREAT movie with a bunch of rewatch appeal built in for all you nerds out there. The special effects are on point and totally integrated with the story. But this is a meaty review….

Is this the best movie I have ever seen, no. Is it as good or better than the Matrix, hell fucking no. Does this movie suffer from bad acting, yes but only in one character, and that charter being that Juno chick, this cast was spectacular except for this one exception, her face just pisses me off. Look at me I am quaky but serious, kiss my ass Juno.

Leonardo Dicaprio on the other hand brought another amazing performance combined with the rest of his cast made this a thriller that didnt seem 2 1/2 hours+ but was.

But I am just digging for flaws at this point, this is a solid movie and probably top 5 movies of 2010. Wonder how it will do in th Oscar race? Whatever Christopher Nolan get back and make another totally awesome Batman movie(come on Riddler)

4 layered dreams meats……

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Predators 3 Remake of Predators 1 Sorta Movie Review

Haaris Ahmed — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 16:53:13 +0000

For the record I thought I did a review on this when this was release, but apparently I didn’t , whoopsy…..

Big up to the people that caught onto the Mortal Kombat reference, and now a bite-sized review of this sequel or remake, both will work.

Robert Rodriguez used his talents and dropped a solid Predator movie. The latest installments of Aliens Vs Predators has impacted fansboys in a supremely negative way. Robert Rodriguez decides to go solo sticking with just the Predators. The movie apparently is a psudo remake of the 1st movie but really is the 3rd movie in the time-line of Predator films. Mr Rodriguez uses themes and elements from the 1st Predator flick to create this new installment in the series, the outcome…..

Ok this wasn’t the movie of the year like I was expecting. At the same time it was not a bad movie by any means. You cant touch the magic of Arnold, Jesse the Body Ventura and Billy Dee Williams all in 1 movie, but twisting up those type characters into something new he did do, and the execution was on-point.

Instead of taking place in the jungle’s on earth a group of “killers” are abducted by the Predators and dropped on a new planet to be hunted. These “killers” include convicts, Yakuza, Mexican Milita (Fuck Yes Danny Trejo), Black Ops, blah blah blah. They all have to work together in order to stay alive and somehow bounce from this planet.

Rodriguez took some liberties and added some new elements. The Predator dogs were pretty fucking badass but the major shake up was the Predator race itself. Apparently there were 2 types of Predators. The Predator type that we all know and love is tied up like a bitch to a giant stone, and a bigger and much more menacing Predators are stalking the humans as well as the Normal Predators. These Predators have a bigger mouth and solid red eyes.

Laurence Fishburne is in the movie, his cameo is great. Adrien Brody got ripped for this flick and threw on his best Solid Snake impersonation for this role, personally I thought it kept this movie together. Topher Grace will forever suck in just about anything he is in if its not a comedy, cause that guy sucks. First Venom now this, who in Hollywood thinks this guy belongs in action movies? At least in Predators he is a doctor (with a secret, whooooo)

All in all this is a GOOD movie. The only thing i didn’t like about the flick was that there was not enough Predator scenes. It took way to long to for the movie to get going and for the cast of game to get along to combat the Predators, not to mention it took forever for Topher Grace to die, man I hate that guy. Plus no spinning disc boomerang weapon thing thing that the Predator uses in every movie!

3 Camo Meats

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Metropia

Joe A. Melendez — Sat, 29 May 2010 01:20:02 +0000

Instead of watching this movie, I want you to do something… Turn on some porn and play with yourself until you are almost about to climax and then stop abruptly. Now, repeat this every twenty minutes for six days. After the sixth day, wind up and punch yourself in the nuts.

There is so much about this movie that could be good and constantly keeps falling short. The animation is cool, but fidgety and emotionless. It reminds me of the marionettes in Team America, only this wasn’t done on purpose. The story was pulled out of a hat that contained pages from Dark City, the Matrix, Johnny Mnemonic and Brazil. Also, the voice of the main character was done by the ever so annoying and lame Vincent Gallo. Vincent Gallo is the only person to make the anticipation of blow job seem pointless and unjustifiable. Well, I know one other person, but I can’t remember her name.

Needless to say, this movie is stupid. It has so much potential but instead it simply made me feel like I’ve just watched a collection of cut scenes from a shitty RPG video game.

It gets one steak, simply because the animation is pretty cool.

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Netflix Picks- The Mack, Appleseed, The Saint, Albert Fish

Haaris Ahmed — Sun, 16 May 2010 04:07:26 +0000

A new section on the meat that will hopefully turn into a regular occurrence. Netflix instant stream is awesome, but its only a sliver of what they have. Despite this lack of access to their robust library, choosing a movie is still a daunting task, I have literally spent hours trying to decide what to watch. It is our bloody policy at the RMR to get right to the meat as quickly as possible and be out. So I am putting it upon myself to Sherpa you through the mountain of bullshit which is the netflix instant stream to find films that you actually want to watch.

The Mack

Pimping aint easy, especially after getting out of the pen for not being a rat, you dig. Unfortunately thats what Goldie has to do, and lucky for us we get to watch this piece of Americana unfold on the silver screen. Did I mention that a Young Richard Prior is in this film, hell yeah

This 1973 classic only gets better with every viewing. Killer vernacular, supreme style, sexy 70′s ladies(before plastic surgry), whitie, funked out soundtrack and the highest B quality prodcution next to the Shaw Brothers movie makes this an easy choice whether its your 1st viewing or you 100th. Defenatly stream this on your flat screen, no jive.

Appleseed

Stricktly for the anime heads Appleseed is another flick about how humans and AI will get co-exist. The movie is alright, the artwork looks cool, but then again it is kind of dated. The concept and idea of this film is so much better then the actual movie, if that makes any sense. The soundtrack has people like Paul Oakenfold and Bastment Jaxx which enhances movie with dope beats while mechs engaging in combat for the future of humanity. See this utopia type movie if you are in a SciFi state of mind.

The Saint

No one can touch Val Kilmer in his prime, yeah i said it. This spy movie is the SHIT!. Do you like Elizabeth Shue? Who doesn’t, unfortunately she doesnt take of her shirt in this one.

Val Kilmer plays a contract spy that has a thousand faces and more tricks then motherfuckin MAcGyver. He also plays a delicate game with some heavy hitting politically fucked up Russians who are after Elizabeth Shue’s formula for Cold Fusion. Whats cold fusion? Ask Stephen Hawkins.

Albert Fish

This documentary is about one of the most fucked up people in American History. This dude grabbed the American public’s attention and will grab yours. Warning this flick is about a person who is PURE EVIL. Albert Fish was a masochist, racist, pedophile, rapist, cannibal and white. If you can handle the subject matter than stream this dark piece of our history

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Planet Hulk Movie Review

Haaris Ahmed — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 18:52:52 +0000

This movie is a green toxic steaming pile of animated gamma filled shit.

The movie kicks off with the Hulk waking up in a spaceship with a hologram of ironman explaining to the Hulk that he is to dangerous for earth so him and a couple of other “heroes” have sent him to a planet with no intelligent life, the Hulk goes nuts, starts to smash some shit and is knocked off course, crash lands and is captured (I know I should have stopped watching right then) and immediately is put into a coliseum to fight gladiator style only to rise up and overthrow the ruling power.

Right off the bat I did not read any of the Planet Hulk comics so I really don’t have a frame of reference about this particular story arch of the Hulk. The last couple of marvel animations have been hands down freaking awesome. In fact Hulk VS Wolverine was one of the best anime’s I have seen (the entire weapon X cast was in it) in a while and Hulk Vs Thor was EPIC.

This movie was not. The Hulk’s voice acting was subtle, which is just dumb. HE IS THE FUCKING HULK, SMASH SOME SHIT!!!! He should have been killing almost everything in this film, instead the Hulk gets bitched in almost every fight he gets into until the end. It should have been the other way around, the Hulk is an unstoppable force putting people in corners and pummeling his opponents into a fleshy piles of their body parts.

There was a dope ass fight with Beta Ray Bill and the Hulk, and as the Hulk was finally going green eyed with rage until an alien stopped him by grabbing the Hulks arms as he was smashing in Beta Ray Bills face, WTF? If that really happened the Hulk would have tossed that alien across the coliseum.

Needless to say this movie missed its mark.

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Avatar IMAX 3D

Joe A. Melendez — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 18:32:14 +0000

I don’t normally like going to movies with so much hype behind them, but after reading so many great reviews, I felt the need to see Avatar the way that Thor meant it to be seen… in IMAX 3D!!!!!!

And I’m glad I did. Avatar blew my mind away. It is full blown entertainment wrapped up in the most awesome CGI special FX I have ever seen in my life. I have seen other movies in 3D, but they relied too much on the 3D effect to shock the viewer. Avatar uses it to bring you into a new and visually-stunning, alien world named Pandora where man wants to rip it up for its resources without little thought about the way that they’ll harm indigenous animals and humanoids, the Na’vi.

If you took away the plot, I could have easily sat and watched 2 hours of footage of this alien world with its flora and fauna. But then with the added story line which is one part Dances with Wolves and one part Ferngully, Avatar becomes a full fledged sci-fi masterpiece. That’s right. This movie just brought a new game to the table and has set the bar way way high.

2009 began with a wonderful minimalistic sci-fi called Moon and has ended with the best sci-fi movie of the decade. Avatar 3D Imax gets the highest meaty ratings available with 5, because when I say shit just got real, Shit just got real. I mean, seriously… once you see the CGI planet, aliens, characters, mech-warriors, air ships, etc., you’ll know what I mean. Shit just got real.

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Pandorum

Joe A. Melendez — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 00:51:27 +0000

If you took the movies Event Horizon and Mad Max, shook them around and added members of the band Gwar to it, you’d get Pandorum.Woah, Woah… hold on, relax… I’m not saying that Pandorum is in any way at the level of Event Horizon or Mad Max, but it is similar.

Pandorum is the name given to space madness in the movie. And this movie has all sorts of madness. Let me cut away the gristle and get straight to the meat. There are a lot of holes in this movie, and at times it feels like who ever made this was trying too hard to make it cool, but obviously had no clue. If you can get beyond these imperfections then you are left with an interesting story with some actual suspense. This movie is for the Sci Fi geek who gets a boner thinking about the possibility of repopulating a distant planet with some hot future chick. Most everyone else, will find this movie retarded.

I myself, am a geek, and therefore give this movie a respectable 3 bloody steaks… Something tells me I should give it less, but you know what? I actually enjoyed this movie.

http://www.redmeatreviews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3meaty.png

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Wild Zero – Japanese Punk Rock Hero

Joe A. Melendez — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 23:52:50 +0000

In the year 2000, the Japanese unleashed a movie that would separate itself from all other Japanese movies that make you say WTF? Why? Because Wild Zero doesn’t use the regular elements of Japanese movies which are 75% people staring at each other, 20% crazy shit that makes you cringe and 5% of ridiculous plot twists.

I’m gonna cut out all the gristle and bone and go straight to meat on this one. What does this movie have? Zombies, UFO’s, Japanese Punk Rock band Guitar Wolf playing themselves, exploding heads, tranny love, zombie love, and lots of Rock N’ Roll, or how Guitar Wolf frontman Guitar Wolf (that’s his name) says it, “Lock And Load!”

If you like silly movies, and all the aforementioned things, rent this DVD. I give it 4 Bloody Steaks for being Japantastic.

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FTW 2012

Joe A. Melendez — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:35:33 +0000

Nothing says fun like a movie about the destruction of all human civilizations, so of course I went to watch it. This is going to be a quick review, short and to the point. Roland Emmerich loves to destroy the planet, Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla, etc. Roland Emmerich also does not care about science, see the aforementioned list of movies. So don’t go to this movie thinking you’re about watch something that will blow your mind, for that, wait until The Road comes out. But if you want to see great special FX and have nothing better to do, then go watch 2012 in the movie theater.

I don’t think I need to explain the plot. Shit goes down, the planet is fucked, everyone dies, except most of protagonists. FTW. You see the destruction of just about every major city, Yellowstone Park blow up, and massive tsunamis wreck shit. It’s cool and neat and all, but you know what would have made it better? Removing the fucking plot. This movie had me at the edge of my seat, thinking to myself,
“you gotta be fucking kidding me?” But what else did I expect? Well, i didn’t expect it to be over 2 hours and 30 minutes. That’s for sure.

Wanna see shit get destroyed? Go watch this movie. Have nothing better to do? Go watch this movie. Don’t feel like thinking? Go watch this movie. 2.5 Steaks for this movie, simply because it delivered everything that I expected it to, nothing more, nothing less.

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Fly me to the Moon

Joe A. Melendez — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:40:17 +0000

How would you deal with 3 years of isolation on the moon? Would you grow depressed, crazy or maybe it would not affect you at all? Sam Rockwell is Sam. He’s been on the moon for almost 3 years, and in a couple of weeks he will have the chance to go back to Earth to see his beautiful wife and young girl. However, Sam’s mind starts to play some tricks on him; and one moon-day, while riding his moon vehicle towards a moon rock harvester, he has a vision and crashes into the harvester. Sam then wakes up on a medical table, where GERTY, his robot companion voiced by Kevin Spacey, is attending to him.

Curious as to why Sam has been disallowed access to venture out into the moon to repair the stalled harvester; he manages to trick GERTY into letting him out. Sam approaches the harvester and goes into the crashed vehicle where he happens to find injured, himself. Now, there are two Sams.

Moon is an excellent Sci-Fi movie that keeps you wondering what is actually going on, even when the facts are being unraveled. Sam Rockwell is great in the movie and does a fine job interacting with himself. Moon proves that a movie about one single character (sort of) in isolation from the earth can be extremely intriguing and interesting.

Moon gets 4.5 meaty steaks. It was excellent and a must see for any Sci-Fi fan.

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