Red Meat Reviews » Action

War Cometh Darksiders Review

Haaris Ahmed — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 18:09:50 +0000

Game DONE. I beat it last night after about 23 hours of gameplay. I liked this game so much I waited till after ai beat it to review it. Verdict, AWESOME.

What do I like about this game? EVERYTHING. LIST TIME!!!!

1.- This is a mature game.

2.- You fight as War, one of the 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse plus at one point you ride on “RUIN” your horse (think Link’s Epona)

3.- You fight both Demons from Hell and Angelic Beings from Heaven.

4.- This games puzzles and dungeons are fun and intuitive, not hard and impossible.

5.- This games looks great, seamless cut scenes, great story.

6.- THIS GAME IS BLOODY AND GORE AS ALL HELL, rip people apart, cut of demons heads, slice hell dogs in half, rip off the wings of angels, and some of the most gruesome boss finish move can be executed in Darksides. The game doesn’t make you press all these crazy button combos to custom finish enemies like in God of War, to activate a finishing move you press 1 button, not a 5 button combo. This is better for me, because in a melee battle situations the last thing you want to be doing is in-putting finishing combo moves and you still have to shred 7 other enemies on screen.

7.-camera is excellent.

8.-Weapons and secondary weapons like the chain, chaos blade(boomerang weapon), horn, Scythe, power glove, and even a mask all play a role and can be used in multiple ways to defeat enemies/dungeons.

9.- Level design was on point.

10.- BOSS BATTLES WERE THE SHIT!!!

11.-Controls were tight.

12.- The onscreen menues and settings are boss.

13.- Joe Madureira left comics books for this project. Thnaks Joe, you the man!

There was very little I didn’t like about this game. The main thing I didn’t like was the map and certain tasks. I hate puzzles in an action/adventure type games, but Darksiders did this aspect very well. At certain points the task you had to do was unclear and sometimes I would get lost. In the beginning of the story War has a demonic sprite (voiced is played by Mark the motherfuckingjediofthisshit Hamill) cursed to his arm, this sprite functions as a guide in the game, this sprite also happens to be the worst guide ever. You hit select and he materializes and gives you “advise” on your current task. This advise is rarely of any use, which is a shame because Darksiders put so much time into every other aspect of this game. These moments were few and far between plus we live in an age with youtube, and BAZZARGAMER walkthrough was something I would use for an assist. Here is his link: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=search_playlists&search_query=darksiders+walkthrough&uni=1 Thanks BAZZARGAMER

Overall rating? —–SPOILER ALERT——- There will be a part 2.

War chops of a fat 4 ½ slices of demonic meat. Buy Darksiders!

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Bayonetta is One Bad Ass Witch

Whiteface — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:49:52 +0000

My people…. It has been many a moon since my last post up on here, obviously there has been much skipped over from me and for that I apologize. But let’s hop right back in it with the latest game from Devil May Cry master of cinematics, Hideki Kamiya and his super ninja witch with disappearing clothing style action adventure, Bayonetta. That’s right, a gun/sword yielding witch with disappearing clothes, black rimmed glasses, an attitude and a British accent. Basically love at first sight. Too bad first sight is going to be a little bit. As soon as you press start you are smashing buttons so get ready for some “what the fuck is going on” right out of the gates. Don’t worry about what you are doing just watch whats going on, it’s ridiculous. After it’s all over you’ll get an intro and some credits, theeeennn you can play.

SO basically, this chick is like the Jason Bourne of witchcraft. Imagine Jet Li playing Fairuza Balk’s role in The Craft. She wakes up and can’t remember shit but knows how to fuck angels up real good. Angels that look like the non-holiest creatures I’ve ever seen. Besides the halos and all. That’s really what this game is all about, defending yourself from angels that want to bring you back to hell, collecting the halos, fighting huge bosses, and figuring out who the hell you really are. Throw in lots of Japanese tongue in taint humor, amazing battlegrounds and 10 minute long cut scenes and you’ve got yourself a real winner in my book. The fighting style is pretty simple but completely original to me. There may be a game out that’s similar but I haven’t played it. The object is to kill all these creatures with pizazz and super mega naked combos. The more you whore the more you score I say. Watch this nerd execute a naughty finishing move to this boss.

Pretty fucking tight so far, but I haven’t finished yet. One chapter takes anywhere from 20 min to an hour, totally addicting and extremely replayable, this game gets a GIANT Grade A Beef Stamp of Redmeat Approval.

Buy it now! Do so with this here link. So far 2010 has been quite a pleasure, keep em coming video game world, keep em coming. So much more to talk about next up is Modern Warfare 2, keep it real, it’s going to be dope, you’re excited, I’m excited, the whole world is excited for this one.

Whiteout.

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New Old School Super Mario Bros Review

Haaris Ahmed — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:31:05 +0000

Dana na na na na, NA.

Once again Mario has shown up this holiday season with Luigi and 2 Toads in the New Super Mario Bros for the Wii. Instead of the Wii putting out a sequel to the Mario’s Galaxy they opted to throw it way back to the days of 2-d Mario with updated graphics and some new power ups. Results, AMAZING. Pick this game up, if you can find it!

Yeah its 2-d. Think Super Mario Bros 3, which is the definitive Super Mario game according to this pixel junky. There is a world map that you have to navigate around and you click to start the level. Yoshi and his variant colors show up to the game. Warps, Koppa Troopa’s that are green, red and undead, Ba-Bombs, Chirp Chips, and all of Bowser’s kids show up for this classic reboot.

Controls are perfect. All you do is flip your Wii controller horizontal, instant D-pad. No extra buttons. I am not going to get into how to play this game, cause if you don’t know how you are just plain stupid.

The only thing different is the power ups, like a helicopter hat, a penguin suit (I have yet to use) and a mini mushroom, which rules. Apparently there is a multi-player mode, but I haven’t cracked that open just yet. I do like the fact that if you are playing with someone who is not as good as and cant pass a particular section all you have to do is pick them up and carry them to end of the level. Genius.

This holiday season bring home this timeless classic. It is rare when a toddler, thrasher, tranny, and granny can all get together to play one game and they all will like it.

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Greatest Wii Game under $20 No More Heroes

Haaris Ahmed — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 20:32:57 +0000

Travis Touchdown is the man, and this holiday season make him your man. This break out game came out when the Wii first took the scene and has edged out to be one of the greatest games, EVER. The sequel comes out late January 2010 so do the right thing and pick up this game, used or coupled with Red Steel (they put a 2 in 1 deal right now at select Video Game stores).

So what makes this such a good game. 1^st off its violent, bloody, and the story is extremely hilarious, crass, campy and all around awesome. The game opens with Travis waking up from an all night bender and realizes that he is an Assassin for hire, and he has to climb his way to #1. He doesn’t have a choice in this matter because all assassins are ranks and a battle can spring forth from anywhere, and there is always a quest to be #1. The characters are memorable and all have a certain style that you can follow. You maneuver through the world on and do missions, explore and do side quest using a Grand Theft Auto outline.

Travis’ weapons include a Light Saber type weapon that you wield with the Wii mote and a series of wrestling moves that you learn throughout the game. The gameplay is awesome, the swordplay is great, I mean you are cutting off head with blood splatter all over the place, you can event block bullets with your light sword.

And its all about the small details to this game, for example to keep the charge up in your light Katana you need to be constantly shaking the Wii mote so it has a charge, when a phone call comes in from a certain someone you have to hold the Wii mote to your ear like a cell phone, and to save the game you literally have to take a shit. That’s right I said it, to save you have to find a bathroom, pull down your pants and save, AWESOME.

The graphics are cell shaded styled out. Think Killer 7. In fact the people behind Killer 7 had a big hand in making this masterpiece.

There are some little things I didn’t like about the game. Maneuvering and making money for further missions gets old real quick. And the game was a bit on the short side, but it not about how long it is, its about how good it feels when your inside.

This is a great game and you will want to play it, especially if you’re a mature gamer like myself. It has all the elements of a good platformer and this game is made specific FOR ADULTS. I can’t wait for the sequel.

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Overinflated Hype Fat Princess Review

Haaris Ahmed — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:59:51 +0000

A couple of months back when the meat was young I ran a contest and let the readers of redmeatreviews.com vote on what game I should purchase for download on the PSN network. I wanted to give it a fair review so I sat and played the shit out of it. Here is review for you to munch on.

This game is getting nothing but good, no RAVE reviews. So I was excited that the readers wanted me to purchase this game. You people fucked up. This game is not fun, but it doesn’t suck either.

Lets start with what I like. This game is truly unique when it come to RTS (real time strategy) and couple that with online play on a massive scale with a cartoon graphics with loads of blood on a mature scale you can’t go wrong. You can customize you particular avatar with a host of tweeks which you unlock as you progress through the game. The concept is simple really, 2 teams, red and blue, and 1^st team to rescue their princess wins. The FAT comes from the option where you can feed the opposing princess magical cake while she sits in your dungeon. So far so awesome. There are classes that you can cycle through just by picking up a particular class hat, for example you can start off as a priest and if you see a warrior hat just pick it up and place that sucker on your dome piece and BOOM you’re a warrior. There are a bunch of cool strategies including catapults, chicken morphing spells and setting burning logs on fire Donkey Kong Style. This game sounds awesome so doesn’t it. Time for it to fall off.

This game has a couple of modes, a very short story mode, and online play. The story mode is narrated to perfection and is both funny and entertaining, plus its a great way to get acquainted with the game, but its way to short! The online play is supposed to be where it is at, well its not. There is zero lag and each map can support a total of 64 players. This is all well and good but in order to have fun and win in this game requires a high level of communication and cooperation. The reality is there are different crews that do not talk to each other, sets of newbies and people just fucking around the map. People are rarely voice chatting which is very needed when it come to this game. The lack of communication makes this a hard game to enjoy. This game still has potential and a grip of people are constantly playing it online so expect some DLC in the future. Would I recommend this game to anyone today, NOPE. This answer may change as the hype goes down and the true players that understand communication, cooperation, and war strategies stick around.

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Who You Gonna Call? Your Boss to Tell Him You’re Sick.

Whiteface — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 22:34:41 +0000

Oh man oh man thank GOD! I was so worried when I heard the announcement of this game that they were going to butcher the greatness that is the Ghostbusters franchise. Absolutely not the case. Starring all 4 original cast members plus some familiar faces and guest written by Akroyd and Ramis, this game felt like a genuine continuation and nothing less. So slap on your proton packs, strap into Ecto 1, and get ready for a sliming good time.

Its 1991, two years after the second movie and you play the new recruit, affectionately referred to as “Rookie”, newly acquired by the paranormal investigators called the Ghostbusters. A large blast of Psycho Kinetic Energy rifles through New York and just like that you are called into action. Race around the city to several familiar locations from the movie such as The Sedgewick Hotel and The New York Public Library and do battle with hordes of ghosts, goblins, and specters simply blasting them with your proton pack and catching them in the infamous ghost trap for later containment. Meet up with all your favorite baddies like the lady in the library and good ol’ Stay Puft the Marshmallow Man. It’s a perfect combination of a new story and blasts from the past to pay homage to our favorite films.

What did you do Ray?

So what we have here is a classic 3rd person shooter with a not so classic array of weapons. There is actually nothing simple about this game, you are thrown right into combat while following vocal direction from fellow busters on how to use your pack and all of its different modes. There are 4 major types: the ion partical beam, a slime gun, a stasis module, and a shock type attachment, each with its own secondary firing method. As with most games you earn these additional weapons and can purchase upgrades as you continue through the game. The team works together, when a member is down you can revive them and them you, just like Gears of War, but it doesn’t take long for you or them to go down so dipping and diving is an absolute must. It was challenging, entertaining, and choc full of hysterical cutscenes making this one of my favorite games of the year. It was kind of short, but the rest of the game totally makes up for it. There is also a multiplayer mode, which I did not get to try since I am currently offline with my consoles, but I can imagine that they are equally as fun to play. As Peter would say….”Go get her Ray!”

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Wanted: A Better Video Game to Live Up to a Great Movie

Whiteface — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 19:03:09 +0000

I’m not going to even bother getting into the details about this one. Simply, because there aren’t many. My latest game Wanted: Weapons of Fate was nothing more than a disappointment. Err I’m getting so frustrated with video games lately. The last two I played were pure boredom. Wanted obviously follows the story of the main character from the movie and tries to incorporate the same type of curving bullets and unique shootouts that we saw in the film. They did not succeed. Clunky ass controls, the same whack moves over and over again, and with how funny the writing was for the movie, I expected a hell of a lot more from the game. Not so much. There are some cool parts and challenging areas but for the most part it is repetitive and simple. Also it took me about 5 hours to complete so if you were planning on buying this one, just slap yourself in the face, throw 60 bucks down the toilet and you’ll get the same desired effect. If you absolutely NEED to know what happens to Wesley 4 hours after the movie ends and don’t want to pick up the comic and just read it, go ahead and rent it. Thank God it was that short because I’m not sure I could have finished it if it wasn’t. You seriously get tired after like an hour. Boo this game!!!

Whiteout.

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Infamous…more like Incomplete, Inane, and Inclined to Stop Playing

Whiteface — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 00:27:42 +0000

Beh. Well this is going to get a mediocre review since this was merely a mediocre game. I can see why a lot of people would like inFamous but if you don’t have 90 hours to play a game, this is not for you. Not saying I don’t have the patience to get through a 90 hour game, you just have to mix it up and have a better story in order to keep my attention for that long. Its a very familiar engine with a very familiar style of gameplay. You are Cole MacGrath, a bike messenger who delivers the wrong fucking package, a package responsible for blowing up a few city blocks and causing complete chaos in Empire City. People are sick, hungry, and are being attacked by newly mutated drug addicts. Since the explosion you have seemed to develop some sort of electrical superpowers, but you can’t really control them at first. They quarantine the city and now you are the only one who can do anything about preventing the government from wiping it off the map. Ehhh.

Hey bitch, have you seen a better plot anywhere?

Akin to Fable or other choose-your-side games, you have a choice in each mission to be either good or bad. Choosing either way develops your powers differently and even affects your appearance. There are 3 levels of good and 3 levels of bad, ultimately leaving you either Heroic or inFamous. This sounds really cool on paper but believe me doing the same shit over and over and over was driving me nuts. There wasn’t enough filler in between missions and I got into one boss fight before I became Heroic. One. I really could care less if this schmuck or anyone else for that matter made it out alive. Your powers were cool I guess, I could do some pretty cool shit towards the end, hovering around this giant free world or electro-riding the elevated train tracks and telephone wires. But really, repetitive is not even close to the proper description. I literally fell asleep every time I played this game, controller in hand. So there you have it, I’d say move on to the next choice unless you absolutely have nothing better to do than zap altered humans in the head all day long. Just to be fair here’s a trailer for the game and the link to buy it.

Whiteout.

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Dead Space, Still the Best Game of…well EVER!

Whiteface — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 17:13:51 +0000

If you’re a fan of horror, sci-fi, and supreme graphics, then you’ll certainly agree. Dead Space has it all. This edge-of -your-seat thrill ride still gets a spin in my PS3 when all else fails. I’ve yet to play a game which scared the shit out of me more. The setting: you are Isaac Clarke, an engineer on a mission to investigate a “missing” mining ship in the far reaches of space. As approaching the ship we see that the communications have been severed, the lights are out, and all that comes through the com is a weird static followed by an “alien” scream. Wow this sounds a lot like Event Horizon huh? Yep. Hell in space, probably one of the creepiest thoughts one could imagine.

Now Isaac’s no soldier, he’s just an engineer, but if they teach you how to deal with this shit at Devry in the 26th century, then the world as we know it is FUCKED up. So we suit up and head down to the ship, your suit is pretty bad ass, almost a Samus type RIG. We soon find out that this ship has been through some shit and we should probably just get the fuck out of there and let the space police handle this, but noooooo your boss wants to do differently. Great, thanks, I get paid 30K a year to drill holes, not fight Necromorphs that are hands down the scariest sons a bitches since The Suffering. What the hell do I know about weapons? After picking up a few audio logs we discover that some sort of alien infection has been mutating humans into these Necromorphs and the only way to kill them is threw “strategic dismemberment.” Good thing I know ALL about mining tools such as a plasma cutter and rotary saw as well as a hydrazine torch, which is a lot like a flame thrower. I am, however, armed with a 3 barrel machine gun that shoots lasers instead of bullets and that can come in handy. So basically, shooting these dudes in the head 48 times will do nothing but piss them off and make them turn into something else, they mutate according to how they’re injured, able to adopt new fighting stances, grow legs, spew out babies, all disgusting shit. So what you want to do is slice off their arms and legs and then take off the head. This is a great spin on most shooting games as we’ve all been trained to get in those miraculous head shots.

Oh I just shit myself…I can’t stop crying

The gameplay and smooth interface is what really makes this game fucking incredible. It’s like the Ipod Touch of video games. Holographic menus that flow with the game so you don’t have to pause and wait 3 minutes while the shit loads up keep it more like a movie. Interactive save points and stores are scattered throughout the ship so that you may purchase and store items all with the same unique holographic style. Don’t think you’re safe at any of these locations though, you can be attacked while shopping for a new suit upgrade or even as you’re saving the game. It’s an over the shoulder 3rd person style view similar to Gears of War or Resident Evil which adds to the cinema-esque quality of the game. But what makes this game more like a movie is really the fantastically written storyline and the ominous score that puts the EEP! in creepy. It will lock you down on your couch for hours at a time, wondering just how the hell you’re going to get out of this crazy ass situation.

Wow, I’m this far in and I haven’t even MENTIONED zero gravity or the ability to slow things down using the Stasis module. This game is the shizznittle. Yeah, well you know what, I won’t even ruin the rest for you. Stop passing it up and pick up this game RIGHT NOW! I promise you will shit your pants at least 7 times. Just in case I haven’t painted a great picture for you, check out this trailer for the Bob Ross version…

Whiteout.

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X-Men Origins: Wolverine Uncaged!! God of War for mutant-lovers

Whiteface — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 21:35:33 +0000

Being a victim of our decaying economy, I have been relying on Gamefly to send me the newest titles possible, which as most of you know, takes about 6 months to hit your mailbox; so I’m sorry if this seems a little late. However, being a huge fan of the X-men, I feel this game deserves the 1st review. Utilizing the awesome God of War/Heavenly Sword engine and incorporating Marvel’s most badass character, this game did not disappoint. Incredibly fast-paced and ridiculously easy, I flew through it in less than a week, probably able to beat it in one day if not for a little thing called work. I don’t mind a brainless button masher if it also involves excellent cut scenes, minimal puzzles, and the ability to shred victims in fours. Don’t worry about any plot spoiling as the key points were all changed for the game version, and well done I might add.

Wolverine as a character is constantly upgrading and there are several combinations of “mutations” you can add to your combat repertoire. Honestly though, it’s all about staying alive, so I’d recommend just bumping up your life meter, lowering the amount of damage you take, and decreasing the time it takes to regenerate. Other than that, you can literally just shred your way through the game with no problem. Each enemy has a different style to adapt to all with pretty easy to remember fast finishing moves. My favorite would have to be jumping onto helicopters, ripping the pilot from the cockpit and slicing his head off with the copter blades. Oh now you’re interested? Don’t waste your money buying it though, its a one-time affair, easily beaten in most allotted rental times. We don’t do grades or ratings here, just straight up honesty so do yourself a favor and grab this game for a week and enjoy.

Whiteout.

P.S. if you absolutely need to know how professional geeks feel about this game please visit the official Wolverine: Uncaged website using the link below

http://www.uncaged.com/

Also if you’re super rich and can’t be bothered with Blockbuster you can purchase this game right here.

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