Red Meat Reviews

Pimps Dont Cry But You Will In Laughter Other Guys Review

Shogun00 — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 17:17:26 +0000

I couldn’t figure out a headline so this is what you get, its more direct than clever. Anyway welcome to a world of randomness with the Other Guys. This movie was funny and insanely random. This movie makes no sense, has very little continuity and lacks a real plot. Despite these essential movie flaws that would make any flick tank the Other Guys skyrockets to the new heights in random comedy.

The cameo with the Rock and Samuel L Jackson is awesome. They don’t last long in the movie, but when they are on screen its pure gold. Eva Mendes not only is super fine but she is one funny ass chick and she can sing. Her and Will Farrell have a great moment where she busts out in a song titled “Pimps Dont Cry” In fact I played “Pimps Dont Cry” on New Noize last week, but that version has Cee Low on it.(For those not in the know I am a radio DJ at 92.9 KJEE Santa Barbara’s Modern Rock)

Will Farrell played a very dry subdued play it safe cop teetering on insanity where as Mary Mark played his normal “I am so serious I am funny” type character like he always does and paired with Will Farrell make this movie move to corners of comedy that are rarely seen. So yeah I liked this movie.

I could go on, but buy this ticket and take this ride. Its random and fun.

Mockumentary Gone Creepy – The Last Exorcism Review

Shogun00 — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 17:08:23 +0000

Do you like the feeling you get when you leave a movie theater and the movie stays with you? Do you like really creepy subject matter shot in a Mockumentary fashion? Do you like to be bugged out while watching a horror flick? If you said yes to any of these questions than The Last Exorcism is just waiting for you at your local Movie Theater.

This movie is a hybrid of styles done right. It take the low budget feel of a documentary and turns it on its side. You know what you are watching is Hollywood, but it feels like a reality show on TLC. The premise of this film is simple and effective. Its about a dude who does not believe in God yet preforms exorcisms. He justifies his actions by clearly stating that he is actually helping people by giving them what they feel they need to move on with life. It picks up where he receives a bunch of mail, opens a letter requesting an exorcism and decides to film it to reveal how exorcisms are so simple to fake yet has a positive effect, kind of a fucked up.

He goes to a farm out in the middle of incest central to preform an “exorcism” and what ends up happening throughout the rest of the flick will bug you the fuck out. You don’t know what is happening with anything in this film, things just keep getting weirder the more time passes; Whats up with the dad and daughter relationship? What is the brother keeping secret? Why the fuck would anyone still live in middle America? This movie isn’t super violent or in your face as it is hyper-real-creepy. This flick will have your mind swimming in a state of what the fuck and the whole time it feels like this documentary is real. The best part is at the end, its freaking awesome.

Before I warp up this review I would like to mention the acting in this film, it was very well done. I have never scene these actors in anything and it is refreshing to see a cast of all new faces do such a superb job of creeping me the hell out, thanks.

This movie gets a SOLID 4 slabs, thanks for the weird ass nightmares.

The Last Sanctuary West Wind Drive In Santa Barbara

Shogun00 — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 22:56:48 +0000

America. As technology get better so do our movie experiences. Needless to say a night at the drive in was something that a kid from NJ could only see in movies. The “Drive In” was a dream, an experience that would forever allude me due to the decade in which I was born. How cool would it be on a summer night to get close to the one you want to see naked in the privacy of your own car for a double feature? Pack some food, grab some blankets, crack the windows, pump the radio and enjoy, sounds like something out of the 60′s. Last Saturday evening this dream became a reality for yours truly.

Earlier this year in the city of Santa Barbara the Drive In was reopen under the direction of the West Wind Theaters. What a GREAT experience. First of its a double feature, 2 movies for the price of 1. The price was fan fucking tastic, $6.50 for 1 ticket. The best part was the actual movies that they decide to play, 2 R rated flicks, The Last Exorcism and The Other Guys. On top of that, the Last Exorcism had just opened this past Friday.

The space was great, nice and open. People with SUV’s and Trucks were in Heaven with their backed up set ups. Some Drive In patrons deiced to break out lawn chairs and boomboxes, all were there to have a good time. We left the car on but not the engine, and tuned to a specific radio frequency to hear surprisingly crisp audio.(Dolby digital) The video projection was as expected, the blacks and shadows on screen were hard to see, but this was a very minor complaint and in no way hinder this great expedience.

Unfortunately this amazing may experience might not last much longer. I was talking with the manager and they are aggressively trying to promote the Drive In to keep it going year round. In fact they are doing a free movie night this Thursday, banking that people buy at the concessions, which by the way had all the trimmings that you would find at any other movie theater plus arcade games. What are they showing this Thursday? Inception and the A-Team, how cool is that!

Support your local drive in or travel to the closest drive in and support that. This is a piece of America that we not only need to preserve, but re-popularize. This was everything a movie experience should have been, and for the price expect that this will be my new way of viewing movies.

The Coveted 5 Slabs!!!!

Get Shank Its a Good Thing

Shogun00 — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 21:49:00 +0000

Shank is such a cool word with many cool meanings. Shank could be a cut of meat or the acting of stabbing someone with a homemade knife and now a Video Game.

Made by Klei I have been waiting for this downloadable PSN game for months now. It’s a 2D side scrolling Shinobi type action game crossed with the beat’em up combat style of Streets of Rage, only with a robust combo system. Lots of violence and seriously crass language make this a mature title that action junkies crave. Sounds too good to be true, lets investigate.

The 1st thing that pops out at you is the art style. The game is super cartooned out, I am talking cartoon network style but with mature content, so its more like adult swim. Each character and enemy have distinctive and smooth animations that work incredible well with the theme of Shank. Lots of blood, bright colors and even the facial expressions are standouts in this stylized game. If Robert Rodriguez made a video game Shank would be it. The most standout feature in the style is the picture in picture cut scene when you are engaging in actual gameplay, it just pops up, audio and all while you are kick the shit out of some henchmen. The only problem, trying to pay attention and playing at the same time.(a good problem to have)

The voice acting is top notch as well as the narrative. I have only played the single player storymode and it was action packed. You play as Shank, your girl gets kidnapped, tortured and raped, needless to say its revenge time.

Like I stated earlier its 2-D and the game works well. It mixes traditional action beat em up gameplay with unique style and a combo system that makes sense for once. You can shoot arms, use a host of awesome weapons for both melee attacks and heavy attacks, grapple and pounce(personal favorite.) You can cycle through your weapons while using them in combo’s as well, and some of the weapons include a shank, chainsaw, machete, a chain, katana, uzi, 2 glocks, shotgun and grenades. The grapple and pounce actions go even further by letting you choose a host of actions including chain-sawing someone’s stomach in or choking someone out with chains after grabbing or pouncing on someone.

Shank is like a midnight grindhouse flick come to life, unfortunately it plays like one as well. Disclaimer: I have no real problems with the gameplay, I am just being critical. OK now that’s out of the way the gameplay will piss you off at times. The block and dodge features put you way out of position at times and midway through all the madness of combat you will lose sight of your character. Luckily the game is good about giving out health power ups which are extremely necessary at time.

The Boss battles are great, but can be long at times. Long because you have to wait for a certain action to cause any type of significant damage, but again I am being hyper critical.

The stand out worst feature has to be the no online co-op mode. There is a co-op mode but you cant play online, there has to be someone there with you physically, wtf? Apparently there is a stand alone storyline for 2 player mode as well as the single player story, too bad I will not get to play the 2 player story mode cause my girlfriend would rather watch house hunters than stuff a grenade in someones mouth and blow up their face( you can ACTUALLY do that in Shank!!)

All in all Shank has everything I like in a video game, amazing style, awesome soundtrack (which was available on their site for free), blood, great story, on point dialogue and a whole lotta violence. The minor things will not hurt the general feel of this over the top fun action title.

4 Bloody Shanks

Hustlers and the Idiot Swarm

Redbone — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 17:31:23 +0000

I have a friend who reads too much. He’s a skeptic and an intellectual and will never be happy or content with the state of our country. Under these circumstances, I would brush off a 170 page rant as just the work of another madman. But the thing is that Reverend Manny is not mad. He’s not insane. He’s simply aware. And when he claims something in his book, Hustlers and the Idiot Swarm, that sounds too outrageous, he does what is required; he cites his sources.

This book is a massive finger pointing at all the assholes and hypocrites (The Hustlers) that make the daily lives of us humans, who work too much and have too little, just a bit too uncomfortable. The book also ousts those into the clear who are blatantly being affected by the actions of a select few fat-cats and yet back them (the Idiot Swarm).

Manny delves into the thick hypocrisy that forms our American political and social system. From the pedophiles in front of the pews and the closet homosexuals preaching anti-gay hate to our historical mythologies based on the non-existant American Dream that fuels so much unwarranted confusion and hate from those who do not have the dedication to research our history, unlike Reverend Manny.

So who should read this book? Well, I’d be lying if I said that when I started to read this book my first thought wasn’t, “Manny, you’re preaching to the choir.” But there were many things that I read that I did not know about. One that comes to mind is the story of Horatio Alger, Jr., who made his fortune writing novels during the expansion of our country, about young boys achieving the American Dream through the generous, helping-hand of a wealthy, older male.

When you consider who Horatio Alger, Jr. actually was, his framing of the American Dream within a prescriptive moral frame starts taking twisted new undertones. Algers, the literature paragon of American Will, Possibilities and Manhood, was the quiet son of a Unitarian Minister. He himself was a minister for a while–but was fired because he molested at least two teenage boys.

He then made his fortune on this fairy-tale drivel that involved “good little boys” being rescued form poverty by a “kindly old man.”

If only this were an isolated incident in our country’s history, but it is not and Reverend Manny shows us how the ass-fucking of Americans is on the top of the list of many people who control almost every facet of our daily lives.

If you don’t believe me or Manny, then do something about it. If you are a right-wing, gun-toting, tea-partier, who can only shout off soundbites heard from Fox News talking heads, or even if you are one of the half-dozen of right-wing intellectuals, get the book, read it, look up his sources and prove Manny wrong. Please, prove Manny wrong. I want Manny to be wrong, because if that were the case it would only mean that we simply need to seek help and be medicated as soon as possible. And to tell you the truth, that doesn’t sound so bad.

This book gets no meaty rating. It was written by someone who I know, respect and admire and therefore would not be able to give an unbiased rating.

Buy a copy of his book by following the link below.

http://reverendmanny.com/buy-my-book-hustlers-and-the-idiot-swarm/

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Piranha 3D the New Benchmark of 3D Goodness?

Shogun00 — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 20:10:14 +0000

Fuck Yeah.

Lets get some bullshit out of the way. This is another remake of a classic B horror movie because Hollywood is starved for original ideas, but unlike most remakes this is GREAT! Yeah I said it.

If you are a critical fruitcake that must find artistry and meaning in every piece of film then this movie is not for you. If you like watching movies with over the top nudity, violence and cheesy 1 liners than you have found the golden egg of movies in Piranha 3-D.

I went into this film expecting it to be absolutely terrible, I am talking ZERO expectations. So why would I go to put myself through this torture? 3D BOOBS!!!!!!!! In particular, Kelly Brook’s 3D naked body was my main motivation, and I was not disappointed. Not only was she super naked throughout this film, so was ever other porn chick trying to break it into Hollywood, so much nudity in 3D. There is a scene with Kelly Brook and Riley Steele (porn star) are swimming underwater with only flippers on in 3D, it put Avatar to shame.

Oh the movie, it was awesome. It had so many cameo’s including Richard Dryfuss getting eaten in the 1st scene, Eli Roth promoting a wet tee shirt contest and Christopher Lloyd posing as a eccentric scientist. Top that with veteran B movie gold actors Elizabeth Shue and Jerry O’Connell and you have a receipt for movie magic.

There is a basic plot where it spring break and all these college coeds are partying on a lake that had some serious seismic activates causing a fissure in the lake which opened up an underwater cavern where prehistoric piranha are unleashed from their captivity. Did I mention Ving Rhames is in this as well?

This movie was more of a slasher than a horror flick. So much blood, so many floating body parts, and the dreaded penis violence. If you like gore than you have bought the right ticket.

The best part, the movie was only 89 minutes long, so I didnt get the 3D headache. So what shall I rate this gem? Seeing it has blood, 3D boobs, prehistoric attacks and Jerry O’Connell 4 1/2 Meats. Had to take off 1/2 a meat cause it was a remake.

You might be asking, why 4 1/2 meats? please check out our rating system according to all the factors presented this movie qualifies the coveted 5 Meat rating. Yes Piranha has scored higher than Inception.

Ip Man

Redbone — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 22:49:31 +0000

OOOOOOOH SHIT!

When a Kung-Fu movie has you saying those too words with that much emphasis multiple times, you know shit just got real. Ip Man is a Wing Chun Kung-Fu master. Before the Japanese invaded China, Ip Man only had to worry about random challenges from other kung fu masters. In his own calm and polite manner, he managed to show them all that he was the best. That’s how you know someone is a true badass; when he is able to beat the shit out of everybody and not be cocky about it. And when I say that he beats the shit out of people, it’s an understatement.

Of course his skill is highly sought after by many people, but Ip Man doesn’t need money and has no need to teach in order survive. But when the Japanese arrive, that all changes. Now, I’ve forgotten to mention, but Ip Man or Yip Man was a real person. Not only was he real but he was Bruce Lee’s master. Mother fucking Bruce Lee. Ip Man is a semi-biographical film about the grandmaster and is a must see for any kung fu enthusiast. So there is a story here but the real reason to watch the movie is the badass kung fu. This movie isn’t like a Rocky film where Rocky starts the fight by getting pummeled only to win at the end. In this movie, Yip Man is the man and at no point are his skills challenged, especially not when he challenges ten Japanese karate guys to a fight and proceeds to destroy all of them.

In this movie, Ip Man isn’t so much a fighter as he is a meat tenderizer; so as a result, the film is awarded five bloody steaks.

PRIMUS SUCKS at the Santa Barbara Bowl 8/15/10

Shogun00 — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 20:27:57 +0000

Another beautiful Sunday night in Santa Barbara and what better way to spend it than with PRIMUS. Before I get into that Wolfmother opened and they did a solid job performing a good mix of new and old and some covers to a unenthusiastic audience. They were saving their energy for the main act that came onto the stage nice and early around the 8pm mark, and since curfew is 10pm this should make for a solid 2 hour Primus show, WRONG.

OK fist off look at this STRONG setlist.

1. Pudding Time
2. Those Damned Blue Collar Tweekers
3. Duchess and the Proverbial Mind Spread
4. American Life
5. Golden Boy
6. Big in Japan (Tom Waits cover)
7. Over The Falls
8. The Toys Go Winding Down
9. Drum and Whamola Jam
10. Groundhog’s Day
11. Mrs. Blaileen
12. Jerry Was A Race Car Driver
13. In The Flesh (Pink Floyd cover)
14. Harold of the Rocks

Encore:
15. Southbound Pachyderm
16. Too Many Puppies

Awesome right? Southbound Pachyderm is a personal favorite. Les Claypool did his thing making complex bass moves look simple. The highlight is when he broke out the Whamola, totally awesome. The crowd was real into the show and if this was your first time seeing Primus then you were STOKED. Now on to people who have seen Primus. WTF is up with ending the show before curfew. Primus, who have not been to the Santa Barbara Bowl in years could have played a 2 hour kick ass set, instead they choose to only play a 1 hour and 25 minute kick ass set. Normally I would not complain, but we are talking about PRIMUS! These cats are supposed to jam out not call it in early. That left a bad taste in the collective mouths of seasoned fans, I especially feel bad for people who drove from LA to see Primus at this venue, its something else. The only thing I could think of was that they didnt sell out the Santa Barbara Bowl, that might be why they wanted to call it quits, or maybe they are getting old. One long time Primus fan and downtown venue/club owner that I will leave nameless stated he was “fistfucked in the face” along with a whole lotta of other super hallrouis shit that I could not retrain in my brain.

The verdict, despite calling it a night at 9:26pm it was a solid set. Weird visuals, on stage blow up astronauts and amazing musicianship made this a great Sunday night. HE COVERED TOM WAITS!!!! In the end they played 16 songs, and anytime you see a Whamola is a good time.

Do Not Rent Date Night Movie Review

Shogun00 — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 23:15:28 +0000

So I have decided not to watch Tina Fey movies from now on. This movie was horrible. Don’t get me wrong there were some funny parts but as a whole this was a snooze fest. I rented this garbage Saturday night, me and my lady are chilling on the couch on after a day of running around like crazy people. We were supposed to see Scott Pilgrim vs the World, but we ended up just calling it a night and decided to rent a flick on the PSN. Wrong movie to rent, I am not a cheap bastard by any means but I want my $3.99 back. I don’t get it, Tina Fey is funny on SNL, in fact she is one of the only funny people left on that tragic cast they call sketch comedy.

The defining moment that this movie was pure piece of ultimate crap came when my lady could not take it anymore and just blurted out, “This movie is not very good at all” She has manners and tact, I however do not. I would have rather watched a marathon of “Monsters Inside of Me”, a show on the discovery channel that I avoid like the plague simply because of the subject matter. I thought that Baby Mama was bad but Tina Fey has out done herself in this waste of film. Oh and Steve Carell, stop doing bad movies like this, your better than that. Oh and Common is in it so you know its bad. Common please stop acting, you are a great lyricist, but your acting skills are terrible.

This movie get 1/2 a meat cause Tina Fey does look hot in here stripper outfit.

New Music Review Bites – Autolux, Bear in Heaven, M.I.A., Best Coast

Shogun00 — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 21:25:30 +0000

Autolux – Transit Transit

6 YEARS!!!!!!! Thats how long it took Autolux’s sophomore album to come out. Who do these cats think they are the, Wu Tang Clan? Despite the incredible gap between albums Autolux has continued playing kickass live shows and are essentially a live band. Both Autolux albums translates an idea of what they sound like rather than an actual blueprint of their music. Transit Transit reflects this feel of freedom. I will be honest, the first time I listened to Transit Transit I did not like it at all. They are only a couple of overpowering in your face jams and the rest just seemed like noise trash filler, but then I gave the album another listen, then another, and now I cant stop listening to it at all. Subtle sonic tunes like Highchair, Spots and The Bouncing Wall are complimented by aggressive Autolux tracks like Supertoys, Audience #2, Kissproof and Census. You quickly realize after a couple of listens cover to cover there is a LOT of stuff going on you just don’t pick up on it on the first run, like using xylophones, I LOVE xylophone’s. The real fun is seeing these 3 live and it will be interesting to see how they work this new material with their old all the time incorporating their signature live sound. This new album gets 4 meats, and Autolux please don’t make us wait another 6 years for a 3^rd album ridiculous

Bear In Heaven – Beast Rest Forth Mouth

Where did this band come from? How did they acquire such a rad name? None of this really matters cause this album is pretty dope. This is their second album but my first experience with this Brooklyn based band, and it’s a good one. The music is fun and will put a smile on your face if you are into experimental rock with harmonious jams and catchy baselines. Don’t let the hipsters turn you away for this band or this album, both are cooler than any hipster’s opinion, you know who you are.

4 ½ Meats

MIA – / \ / \ / \ Y / \

Do I need to do this review? I waited until the hype faded and to be honest with you I thought there would be more. Diplo who contributed to this album is talk shit and long time pitchfork supporters gave this album a 4.4. I guarantee in like 10 years they are gonna re score this gem of an album. I have a huge bias to great music and this is great music. Total revamp of sound and style from her previous work / \ / \ / \ Y / \ is a blast of everyday sounds and crunchy noise all married with M.I.A. distinct style and creativity. Get on your grind and pick up this 4 meaty approved album.

Best Coast – Crazy For You

If you are from Southern California or California you should pick up this album. Crazy For You sounds, well like California. It has a great lo-fi garage rock sound and hints of surf rock from the 50’s and 60’s but not corny at all. The longest song is 3 minutes, which is great for kids with short attention spans and weed smokers. Front woman Bethany Cosentino uses cliché subject matters like relationships, summer, love, hate and partying to create catchy tunes great for your next summer BBQ. Bethany’s cat is also talked about in her music as well on the cover and actual CD, lucky feline. 4 meats for this Katy Perry hater.(I support the hate)