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Author: Whiteface (24 Articles)
Super white and always right, find this guy at your local Blockbuster, punching the nerds behind the counter.
Chicken and broccoli. Fucking Chev Chelios is back! The man who cannot die, not from ninjas, not from assassins, not from ninja assassins, not from a deadly poison known as The Chinese Shit, and certainly not from falling out of a fucking airplane. The sequel picks up right we we left off, Chev falling 40000ft out of the sky, bouncing off a car and landing on the street. Seconds later, his body is picked up by several Chinese fellows and tossed into the van. After a very unsanitary surgery, we learn that our hero’s heart is being stolen and replaced with an artificial heart to keep him alive long enough for their leader to watch him die. But first they want some other parts, specifically his wang. Obviously, Chev ain’t havin that so we quickly snap into action and let it begin. Of course we call the Doc and he gives us the low down on the artificial heart, it has an internal battery and needs a constant electrical charge to keep the blood pumping. You can only imagine the 100 or so different ways were going to see this guy electrocute himself in the next hour and a half.
We’ve got all sorts of shit going on this movie. Rock video style editing, flashes of ridiculous images, crazy rodeo sex scenes, hilarious one liners, horrible English accents, and even a 3 minute long Godzilla style fight scene. Amy Smart is back as the sexy girlfriend who is willing to get the bone in public. You know what, everyone who was left alive and even one we thought was dead comes back for the sequel. Its the same directing duo as the first, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor and they completely took what they had in the first movie and amped it up a notch. Hilarious, action packed, trippy scenery, over the top gore and silicon pouring out of a strippers recently shot titty are just a few reasons why you NEED to see this movie.
I absolutely loved every second. This here flick gets the Red Meat Stamp of Grade A Beef. You can purchase it right away right HERE. If you need more evidence, check out the trailer below…
Whiteout.
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