E3 2009: Give a Geek a Boner Day

Ok, so its not like giving a nerd a hard-on is an extremely difficult task but this year’s announcements made me have to change my pants…twice. That being said, you’d probably think that only similar gaming fanatics would be interested right? WRONG. Developers in each platform have shattered the barriers of gamers/movie fans/sports nuts/school girls/people who hit B instead of A all the time. I really don’t even know where to start but I suppose it would be easiest to break it down by console. We’ll start with Xbox 360

Microsoft is fucking out of control this year…literally, with the biggest announcement having to be the introduction of Natal, the controller-less attachment. It’s basically a motion sensing camera you can connect to the box that mimics movement and allows you to interact with games at an almost eerie level. No, its not like the Wii. It just scans you and other items you choose to use, such as a skateboard or a drawing and puts it in the game. I really hope this doesn’t cause me to default on my mortgage, but they are promising a competitive price. We can look for this in 2010 hopefully around the holiday season. If you don’t believe me that this is the future just take a look at this vid below.

Now it seems that PS3 has also realized the next step in bringing the whole family in on gaming through super interactive games, so they have also developed a new controller. This one is almost a combination of the Wii and the upcoming Natal project. It combines a controller with the Playstation Eye so players can see themselves using an electo whip, a gun, throwing a football, or swinging a tennis racket. I’ll say the coolest demo they did was using one controller as a sword and the other as a shield. Prepare for battle! Two super nerds show you whats up right here.

Now the Wii. Eh. You know what, FUCK the Wii. BBOOOORRRINNNNNGGG. Shit is for kids and fat people. Of which I’m neither so….

Now onto the games. Ooh the games! I’ll just give you a rundown of the tops I’ve seen so far. Yes I am a Star Wars fanatic but if you don’t think that upcoming Star Wars: The Old Republic looks baddass, then there’s something wrong with you. And that would be my favorite upcoming title. Lets take a look at the trailer…

Excuse me, I just have to wipe my tip. Ahh that’s better. The other games worth mentioning for my favs are Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, Modern Warfare 2, God of War 3, Splinter Cell: Conviction, and Heavy Rain, the only non-sequel that I found super intriguing. It’s a choose-your-own adventure game that follows a serial killer. I’m not sure why they don’t put out more titles like this. It’s as close you can get to an interactive movie, similar to Dragon’s Lair or Fahrenheit/Indigo Prophecy, which I think a shit-ton of people would enjoy. The graphics are simply stunning and worth giving a quick look:

Yeah that’s gonna be awesome. So there are other titles and cool things in the works but, from what I can tell, the ones I mentioned are the cream of the crop. We won’t know more until I’ve actually got my hands on them.

To sum it up, E3 was again an event I wish I attended, if not only for the fact that the remaining Beatles Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr actually made an appearance to introduce the Beatles Rock Band game. So cool. Of course Yoko was there too but who cares. After reading and watching all it had to offer, I think its safe to say that Xbox wins again with its awesome display of new toys and innovative gaming. But what do I know, I’m just a nerd with a budget.

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